A long journey is coming to an end for me. April 12th I will officially and finally be confirmed into the Catholic Church. This journey has taken almost two years because of circumstances that impeded me from signing up for RCIA a year ago.
In a certain way, it’s kind of a little bitter sweet, because I have had so much anticipation and desire for this time to come and it’s finally here. It’s not that I’m having second thoughts about the truth the Catholic Church has, but it’s more or less bitter sweet because I have found these past two semesters I have been so disconnected from God because of my schedule. My schedule this semester itself has been brutal. I have work, 15 credit hours of classes, and an internship. It feels like I’m rushing everywhere and I barely have time to eat or sleep. I am actually now around 20 pounds under weight. I have always been kind of underweight, but never by that much. The feeling of sort disconnection from God is what makes it bitter sweet. My prayer life and meditation on scripture has obviously suffered because of my schedule and that is why I feel so disconnected.
Even though, I’m not as connected I feel to God as I was when I started this journey, I still know objectively I made the right decision. I still know that the Catholic Church holds the whole truth that I my soul desires.
This Saturday, I go to my first confession. I’m a little nervous that I won’t say the right thing to priest to let him know my confession is not a usual confession. I’m can’t wait though for the priest to say I am forgiven. He is a stand in for Christ and it is Jesus saying he has forgiven me. That is something that means a lot to me. As a little girl, I use to doubt my sins were forgiven when I would pray about them because I wasn’t sure how you knew God really forgave your sins. I was more or less thinking of God in human terms and how some people don’t give forgiveness, but all the same you can see how beautiful it is to hear that your sins are forgiven. How beautiful it is to have those words spoken to you and knowing that you are now cleansed from the filth that covered you. It’s also very beautiful how one will receive graces for what they have confessed and these graces are help from Jesus to resist those sins and to stay on the narrow path that leads to eternal life. The sacrament of confession is really such a beautiful sacrament.
April 12th though, I will receive the most beautiful sacrament of all. I will receive the Eucharistic. This is something I will forever treasure. I honestly can’t wait to receive the Eucharist. I can only imagine what it will be like to finally receive Jesus body and soul in the Eucharist.