Dear depression, dear agony,

I will admit I am afraid. I am afraid you will come back. you will sink your claws into me and drag me back into the hole of darkness. I am more afraid than I will admit. Relapsing one day is a high statistic for me, and I won’t fool myself to think I could be one of the few who only get one episode. I’m  afraid to go back to that place. I was so lost. So so lost. It was agony everyday. There aren’t words to describe it. Darkness was all around, and lies were everywhere. everything was mingled with self-loathing and everything hurt. My heart ached so bad. the emotional pain each day was agony.

Darkness, we’ll be old friends. Dancing around each other till you find the power to trap me again. We’ll dance like this with the same routine till I draw my last breath. I have a feeling no matter what some speck of you will always be there, even with medication. I know you are still slightly there now. But you are weak and don’t over power me anymore. I won this fight and I don’t look forward to the next. I may be scared, but you won’t stop me from living my life. When you come back, we’ll be ready.

Dear Agony, I am afraid, but courage is having fear and steadfastly facing it. If you come back, I will be terrified, but I will fight back.


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