Depression, we hear that word and perhaps most of you associate it with a bad day or being on your period. It’s so much more than just a bad day.
Depression is like everything has lost its color. It’s where you go through the motions day in and day out. You aren’t really alive. You just do what you have to do and just make it through another day. In every sense of the word life has become boring. A drag. A mundane routine of coming and going. The putting on of a happy face. Fighting off the exhaustion you feel every day. It’s where life has just lost it’s meaning all together and your mind focuses on the inevitable fate we all face. And you’re okay with that fate, because it would be an end to something that makes no sense. In fact, you don’t quite understand why your peers are so captivated with life because it’s so temporary and pointless. However, depression is also having good moments where you are happy with your friends. There are good days, but the darkness always comes back. It always returns and leaves you with no hope.
Depression is like this nothing and this horrible pain put together. It’s your own mind tearing you a part every single day. It’s where you unintentionally hurt and guilt your friends and you have no idea. It’s where you can’t talk about how you feel because no one understands. And if you do open up your friends interpret it as a guilt trip because you are so open. It doesn’t always happen, but it does happen. It’s where your friends are tired of you and think you are trying to hurt them with your feelings. It’s where, unbeknownst to you, some of your friends feel guilty and accuse you of guilt tripping them, when you have no idea why they feel guilty. It’s where your friends are frustrated with you. It’s where it’s hard to trust people because your distorted perceptions are saying people don’t love you.
Depression is where there is barrier between you and other people. No matter how hard you try you don’t feel a connection to anyone. You may have great friends, but you don’t feel the connection. You are alone. Depression is hiding in your room and crying your eyes out almost every single day. It’s where you stay away from people. You just feel so different from them. You are like a stone of nothing as compared to their energy and excitement. Depression is doing fun things, but you don’t have fun. Everything is just boring and dead.
Depression is losing most of your friends. Depression is feeling so much your friends abandon you. Depression is having to fend off people thinking you caused your illness. Depression is fending off Christians who don’t believe it’s an illness. Depression is feeling like everyone has forgotten you. It’s where you feel unwanted and like burden. It’s being confused on how others feel about you and being so desperate for someone.
Depression is many things… depression is a monster.